Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
