We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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