I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
