She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
