I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
