well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
