How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize