I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
