You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
