May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it because I queefed?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
