I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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