she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The best revenge is premature balding
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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