would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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