The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
