my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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