I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize