yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
