Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
