I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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