ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dicks are not precious.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
