Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
