I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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