why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
