onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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