You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize