you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
