so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
