Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize