The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
