some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
