I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
