I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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