I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
