Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
