Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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