Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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