nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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