so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
