I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize