you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize