She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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