Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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