Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
