she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
