Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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