i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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