nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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