are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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