Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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