i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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