haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This baby is an asshole
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
