I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize