Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
