There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
