that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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