We won't sleep together?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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