Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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