and you said cock pushups were impossible
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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