Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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