We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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