Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
