The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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