11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think i have two assholes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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