Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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