hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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