she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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