What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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