i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
