Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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