okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
