A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize