My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
MIDGETS
????
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
