I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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