I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize