who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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