My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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