I showed him my bush... on skype.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
