I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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