is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
