I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
