the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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