i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
