i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize