I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
