Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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