it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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