sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
