remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
