i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
