if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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