Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
