I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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