so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
