I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
