From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
