I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont even know how to be here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
