The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is wine microwaveable?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
